Love

{I will not be shaken}

January 17, 2014 Journal Entry:
I am just a broken-shattered-little girl, grasping for what I think is dear life.  But what I grasp for only numbs the pain until its ready to chuck me back to the ground and start the vicious cycle all over again…

This cannot be the pattern of life.
This is the pattern of death.

That was me 6 months ago, to which I respond.

river1 river20

I have seen much darkness,
but I know my heart in Yours, I will not be shaken.
Depression has pushed me down, laughed in my face and terrorized my dreams,
but  I know my heart in Yours, I will not be shaken.
Fear has knocked on my door, brought me photos to remind me of the past, and tried to convince me of my future,
but now – I look up to my father in heaven for everything.
I know my heart in yours, I will not be shaken.
I fell down, looked at the cuts, saw the scars, and sighed, 
but you whispered my name, and the strength of your voice lifted me up to my feet.
I know my heart in yours, I will not be shaken,
instead I will show the beauty you have given me for ashes,
and I will glorify your name forever and ever,
amen. 

river22

 

Now you’ve got my feet on the life path, all radiant from the shining of your face. Ever since you took my hand, I’m on the right way. {Psalm 16:11}
God made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before him. When I got my act together, he gave me a fresh start. Now I’m alert to God’s ways; I don’t take God for granted. Every day I review the ways he works; I try not to miss a trick. I feel put back together, and I’m watching my step. God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes. {Psalm 18:20-24}
Your beauty and love chase after me every day of my life. I’m back home in the house of God for the rest of my life. {Psalm 23:6}
He forgives your sins—every one. He heals your diseases—every one. He redeems you from hell—saves your life! He crowns you with love and mercy—a paradise crown. He wraps you in goodness—beauty eternal. He renews your youth—you’re always young in his presence. {Psalm 103:3-5}
God, you did everything you promised, and I’m thanking you with all my heart. You pulled me from the brink of death, my feet from the cliff-edge of doom. Now I stroll at leisure with God in the sunlit fields of life. {Psalm 56:12-13}

 

 

Advertisements

Facing Fears vs. Breaking Chains

momo1
Last night church was amazing.  “Can you hear it? The sound of Heaven touching earth”.  When we worship our God, when we stand in his presence, things happen.  He shows us things that help us, that He needs us to see.  Maybe a new perspective, a new hope, a new dream, or a new prayer.  Thats who God is.  It’s simple, and its beautiful.  We don’t have religion, we a have a relationship, so when we call to him, He calls back.

This summer has been beautiful, but also very challenging.  I felt like all these little things were eating me alive.  One thing just building on another.  End result: anxiety or panic attacks.   I felt like a contestant on a Fear Factor episode titled, “The Summer to Face all your Fears” and I wasn’t thrilled.  From bugs to family members with cancer.  Anything that could frighten me in one way or another came.

But last night God dropped something in my heart.  He told me it’s not about facing the fears, its about breaking the chains.  Facing your fears is temporary.  Fear Factor puts you in a traumatic state for a time, I’m positive your adrenaline spikes, and then you return home and you know what? You still live with that fear.

Breaking the chains is allowing the blood of Jesus to break the power that the fear holds over you.  Of course in life we run into troubling times.  But when a chain is broken, the traumatizing, paralyzing factor is gone.  The next time you come up against that fear, you speak to it.  Yes words hold that much power – “Words can be your salvation. Words can also be your damnation.” -Matt 12:37 MSG.

You hold authority to call out the lies that intertwine in an event to make you a prisoner to fear.  This happens on a large and small scale.   When you acknowledge God in these times, is when he opens your eyes to what’s really going on, not what the world is gonna tell you to pull you down.

The key to freedom is truth.

And the truth brings in the flood of peace.  Sometimes we can’t see the simple truths for ourselves.  We need God to bring something into the light to show us the key to what we’re fearing because in reality, the only one we need to fear is God.

One example from my life – being afraid of the dark, hating the sun going down, lying in bed praying for the sun to come up.  I’ve been struggling with this for a while.  Literally feeling mildly depressed as the sun went down.  Well last week I woke up every night around 2 or 3am.  I’d sit up in bed and think, “why the heck am I awake?”  Even journaled, “God are you waking me up? What are you trying to show me?”.  I really believe he was just showing me, “Hey look its still dark, and I’m still here, and I haven’t left you”.

The truth and the key – He doesn’t leave us.  He’s right with us in the darkest hours and we don’t have to fear.  The truth – He is a constant source of love ready to empower us to have courage and walk through the valley.

So I guess right now, I’m learning to draw from His power.  I’m learning to run fast to him, and cling to what I do know to be true.  I’m taking steps towards freedom every time I decide to not give into fear, but stand in the light of the truth.

Whom the Son sets free, is free indeed.

You see, I believe that Jesus died for me.  Why? Because He loved me.  Because I had sin in my life, and as a child of God, he wanted me back.  This separation from him is real, but now its gone.  And when I got baptized in water, it  meant that I had died to my old life and risen with a new life in Him, beautiful symbolism.  I decided that no matter what happened, I would live my life for Him. He has given me life in more ways than one.  But he didn’t just die for me.  He died for everyone.  He died for you.

So today, I want to do something (not on my own, but with His help, as if I was holding his hand) that set some people free, because he didn’t just die for me, he died for the people that hurt me too.

I want to forgive the man that sexually abused me. I want him to know that he has been forgiven.

There is no way I could do this just as Morgan.  I am forgiving him because of Jesus and in Jesus name and with the help of Jesus.  And there is power in his name, which allows me to write this out.

So I pray he finds this post below:

I want to say I forgive you for the pain you caused me, when I realized what you had done to me over many years was wrong.  When the truth hit my mind, I suddenly found myself in an exhaustible cycle of pain.  I had a hard time in school, and I had a hard time living, and I’m still unwinding the damage, but even so, I forgive you.  I want to forgive you for the damage you caused in my relationships with my sister and cousins and best friends.  We lost some precious years because we were on a journey of pain, walking through unmerited shame, with broken down boundaries .  I want to forgive you for what you made us go through in court, it was a taste of hell on earth for all of us, but I forgive you.  I want to forgive you for the pain you caused my family.  The pain you especially caused my parents, because it trickled down to the rest of us, and it wasn’t their fault.  I want to forgive you for the guilt my parents felt when they thought they didn’t protect us, that was your fault, but I want to forgive you for it. I want to forgive you  for the damage you caused my mind when you lied to me, I forgive you for the inability I have to trust others, because of all the trust you broke with us.  I forgive you for not standing up and telling the truth about what happened.  And I also want to forgive your wife who hurt me by staying with you while we lived under the abuse.  I forgive you for the time I lost with her.  You are forgiven.  The end.  No resentment, no grudge.  I want to be set free like I was intended to, and I was nudged by God as he reminded me that you are equally his child and didn’t deserve this freedom either, but he still gave it to us.  You are still a child of God, but you need to accept His forgiveness, and be set free.  As much as my flesh wants to hate you forever, because I write this through my tears, the enemy has been defeated and I am called to forgive, as I have been forgiven.  So I hope you are set free from the chains the enemy has placed on you, let us deny the enemy his pleasure.  I declare you free in the name of Jesus and by his blood, be set free.  God meets us half way, he doesn’t force anything on us.  He gave us a choice.  I pray that you walk the other half, he is waiting!   Amen.
221994f32f57e8b3e9378fefc5436a9c

Morgan

Challenged to Persevere

In the midst of a storm our minds are busy at work.  We are forming a plan to survive.  Forward or backward, to the right or to the left.  We are forced to move, and the decision is completely ours.
e2ee2cd6ce3687f3f2358239534c78cc

I have been challenged by my baptism this last week.  It has been a hard, dark week.  Taunted by nightmares, normal blows of life, and hardship.  God is walking me through, but he doesnt force me to do anything, he gives me the free will to make my own choices.

155023_4553881445257_169746009_n

In my quiet time God reminded me the moment of Sam asking me in the baptism pool, “Why are you getting baptized tonight?”
I responded with “Because I want to serve the Lord my whole life, no matter what happens”.  No matter what happens, I made the decision.

So now on my storm front, I am up against decisions, and I have to decide to follow or fall.
photo I can either fall because I gave up, or I can fall fighting for the name of Jesus.  When I choose to follow him, no matter how hard it hurts, I believe He will lift me back up.  “The only temptation that has come to you is that which everyone has. But you can trust God, who will not permit you to be tempted more than you can stand. But when you are tempted, he will also give you a way to escape so that you will be able to stand it.” (1 Cor 10:13 MSG).
dd73ad2bd86fe21a3b3ee8b07cc87729Friend.  Life is full of storms.  They hurt – this I know.  The waves will knock you down, but they only last a moment.  “So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.” (Rom 12:1-2 MSG).
Beach7

This is a hard season but I am holding onto the truth, leaning into the Spirit, and going to immerse myself in the word.  I will overcome & because my words have power I will continue to speak this over my life.  Thank you for your prayers!

Morgie xoxo

Slam Poetry – Overcome

Slam Poetry (thank you – def from Urban Dictionary):

n. A style of spoken word poetry that is generally used in a competition, known as a poetry slam. Often, as with hip-hop music, the subject matter concerns urban life, crime, drugs, or other inner-city-related subjects. The difference in many cases, however, is that with slam poetry, the words/lyrics are more introspective and creative than your run-of-the-mill hit rap song. Also seems influenced by the Beat Poets, such as Allen Ginsberg and Jack Kerouac.

Image

So many things trying to haunt my house
Add shame
Add guilt
Subtract self worth and kidnap my security too.
Trying to fight what ingredients get thrown in my bowl of life. Darkness robbing my sleep tank.
Don’t wake me when I fall, if I fall asleep.
But I need you to shake me from this nightmare.
The darkness chokes me.
I cry for the sun to come.
I’m done fighting
But I’ve never wanted to fight harder.
Push me down
I’ve already eaten my tears; they’ve been my food day and night. What’s it gonna take to break free of destruction?
The oven. The fire.
It burns the impurities right out of my broken and evil heart.
It refines my soul, my thoughts.
Add health. Zest. Buoyancy. Resilience. Truth.
Add Authentic Love.
Subtract the darkness.

It hurts, a lot. It’s hot. It’s uncomfortable.
Its a beautiful disaster. Its new.
I don’t know if I can take anymore.Then the door opens, New life rushes my lungs.
I can breathe.
I’m free.
I’m finished.
He overcame
So that
I
Could
Overcome.
Whom the Son sets free, he is free
indeed.

Baptism.2 mb6.2

You’ve Been Love Bombed: Georgina Grace

George! I’ve never met anyone like you.  I love imitating your accent.  You are an amazing artist, an amazing friend, and gifted beyond measure.  I can’t wait to see where life will take you.  You are an answer to prayer! Thank you for being in my life while I am across the world 🙂 Can’t wait to make music with you! Keep going, God is going to use you in AMAZING ways 🙂

She’s a tip of an iceberg.
She has so many treasure that was given by God.
She didn’t just bury that but she’s developing and using for God’s glory.  Eventually, God will say “Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!”  She’s special =) ~Daniel Choi

I love her tender heart, I love that she loves those who are hurting and down trodden, I love that she is strong and speaks words of wisdom and power. I love that she pulls funny faces. I love that she is beautiful but doesn’t know it. And above all I love that she is my daughter and I am so very proud of her, proud that she bravely follows hard after God even if that looks scary and unknown. And I also love that she knows how I am without being told. How could you not love that?
Be beautiful my dear child, put one foot in front of the other, one step at a time… Trusting God all the time. And He will unfold your way.
He will take delight in you with gladness.
With his love, he will calm all your fears.
He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.” (Zephaniah 3:17 NLT)
~Mum

Gina is beautiful inside and out. She is so creative and is so sensitive to the Holy Spirit. She is a mighty warrior princess for Jesus a intercessor to the max. And she is a loyal friend 😀:D
~Jackie French

Georgina Kent, I have never met anybody like her. Her short hair was the first thing that draw me to her, but after a while I knew that it was way more then just that. Gina is creative, an amazing artist on paper but also with music. She is a special woman in the things she likes and dislikes, she is firm in what she believes in, and she is willing to teach and share with others. The thing that is probably the most beautiful about her is her sensitive relationship with God, in every conversation you can see who’s she is, and her life is a testimony that our God is alive and good.=)
~Nina Verhoog

You’ve Been Love Bombed: Mom Edition


I
f you missed out! JUST COMMENT BELOW WITH YOUR LOVE BOMB FOR:

KIM SAUNDERS

Kim is the sweetest and kindest person. I remember sharing something very personal with her not too long ago and she was so loving and comforting and loves me no matter what. She is a loving mother and grandmother. Also, going to school and working full time is so hard, yet she continues to perservere. Keep up the great work, Kim.
~Russ Nichol

I have always loved about your mom. I first met her when I was in the 8th grade when we first moved to Carmichael, and then she started attending Victory Christian School in high school. But she was always in my Sunday School class so I got to know her. She always, always was kind to the under dog. She was very popular, everyone loved her but she also never excluded anyone, whether or not they were popular or not. I always felt like your mom truly was a friend. I don’t know if you know but she was my matron of honor at my wedding. Always kind to me and those around her. I remember one birthday she invited me to, I didn’t have much money and she told me she loved Dorritoes and so that is what I got her, a simple bad of Dorritoes yet she was so thankful. We all went to the flea market and had a fun time. Then when it was my sweet sixteen, I wasn’t very popular she gave me a sweet sixteen party, just a few gals but she always was kind to others.
~Becky Stover Manthei

Mom-
You are such a dedicated and hard working person and are always wiling to help in any way u can. You are also the best grandma to my kids that I could ask for, and I am so thankful that I live so close. -~Meg

Kim-I love that you have not given up during some of the most difficult struggles anyone should havt to face. I miss you so much and wish that we were not so far apart. You will be richly blessed in so many ways, just keep taking baby steps forward and never look back! You will always be one of my most beloved best friends!
I love you Kim!!!
~Kellie Powers

What I love most about your mom is no matter how long its been since we’ve seen each other or talked on the phone, we can pick up where we left off. Her encouragement through the hardest time in my life made me feel love when I felt very little. It was an honor to raise our kids together. When I think of Kim, I can’t help but smile because the times we shared over the years make me that happy.
~Darin Brink

 

Mom, I love you! I want you to know you are loved and people FEEL the love you bring.  You are a light to people’s lives.  I am so thankful to be your daughter.  I am proud to be your daughter.  You are fun to live life with.  I love you!

Who will be Love Bombed Next? You will have to wait and see!