Month: April 2013

I will remember.

imageI will remember.

I am on such a journey right now.  And God is revealing more and more of himself to me.  And today my revelation is that I must not forget what He’s done, but that I will remember.  And that when I start to question God and his involvement in my life he says, “Just remember.”

I was given a journal a couple weeks before I left for Australia and it was decorated with “Australia”on the cover.  The beautiful woman who gave it to me said, “write down everything that happens so you can share it once you get back!”
Naturally as a devoted journaling queen I thought of course!  Little did i know of the records of things I’d be keeping.
Today in Old Testament class, taught by our principle Catrina, I could see myself as an israellite. The Israelites, Gods chosen people were called to remember the time He brought them out of slavery in Egypt.  It was a mighty feat, yet when they forgot the miracle they began to complain or get off the path.  The path they were called to looked different.  My whole first year has been provided through sponsorships, and it hasn’t been easy, but what a testimony.  When the Israelites were walking around in the wilderness wondering about where the next meal would come from, they were called to remember that the same God who brought them all out of Egypt was the same God who would provide their next meal.
Another lesson from today was through the stories of the Kings of Israel.  The Isralealites weren’t meant to have a King, they had God, and they were His people, and he guided them.  But because everybody else around them had a king, they wanted one & God let them have their choice.  They had some good kings but more so bad ones, and it led to a divided kingdom and eventually their exile.  In my finances I have been blessed, but at times I have tried to do it on my own, through photo shoots, or getting a job at Starbucks,, but none of it has worked.  Part of my story in getting to Hillsong was that I felt God did not want me to get a job for the first year.  it seems nice to not have to work, but it is requiring a deep level of trust.  So it wasnt that I applied out of rebellion, but maybe I just forgot to let the God who has provided my whole time here provide.  And every time I tried to take control, just to feel settled, I did not succeed.  Just as the kings of Israel did not succeed.  if only the people would have given the God who brought them out of Egypt the reigns back, if they would have stayed the path.  So I find my storyline right next to theirs, but I will also learn and remember.  When I have $3 in my bank account and I begin to question, I will remember.  The God who brought me to Australia is the same God who will continue to provide my every need.  I think to live by faith and not by what I see requires much remembrance.

Whom the Son sets free, is free indeed.

You see, I believe that Jesus died for me.  Why? Because He loved me.  Because I had sin in my life, and as a child of God, he wanted me back.  This separation from him is real, but now its gone.  And when I got baptized in water, it  meant that I had died to my old life and risen with a new life in Him, beautiful symbolism.  I decided that no matter what happened, I would live my life for Him. He has given me life in more ways than one.  But he didn’t just die for me.  He died for everyone.  He died for you.

So today, I want to do something (not on my own, but with His help, as if I was holding his hand) that set some people free, because he didn’t just die for me, he died for the people that hurt me too.

I want to forgive the man that sexually abused me. I want him to know that he has been forgiven.

There is no way I could do this just as Morgan.  I am forgiving him because of Jesus and in Jesus name and with the help of Jesus.  And there is power in his name, which allows me to write this out.

So I pray he finds this post below:

I want to say I forgive you for the pain you caused me, when I realized what you had done to me over many years was wrong.  When the truth hit my mind, I suddenly found myself in an exhaustible cycle of pain.  I had a hard time in school, and I had a hard time living, and I’m still unwinding the damage, but even so, I forgive you.  I want to forgive you for the damage you caused in my relationships with my sister and cousins and best friends.  We lost some precious years because we were on a journey of pain, walking through unmerited shame, with broken down boundaries .  I want to forgive you for what you made us go through in court, it was a taste of hell on earth for all of us, but I forgive you.  I want to forgive you for the pain you caused my family.  The pain you especially caused my parents, because it trickled down to the rest of us, and it wasn’t their fault.  I want to forgive you for the guilt my parents felt when they thought they didn’t protect us, that was your fault, but I want to forgive you for it. I want to forgive you  for the damage you caused my mind when you lied to me, I forgive you for the inability I have to trust others, because of all the trust you broke with us.  I forgive you for not standing up and telling the truth about what happened.  And I also want to forgive your wife who hurt me by staying with you while we lived under the abuse.  I forgive you for the time I lost with her.  You are forgiven.  The end.  No resentment, no grudge.  I want to be set free like I was intended to, and I was nudged by God as he reminded me that you are equally his child and didn’t deserve this freedom either, but he still gave it to us.  You are still a child of God, but you need to accept His forgiveness, and be set free.  As much as my flesh wants to hate you forever, because I write this through my tears, the enemy has been defeated and I am called to forgive, as I have been forgiven.  So I hope you are set free from the chains the enemy has placed on you, let us deny the enemy his pleasure.  I declare you free in the name of Jesus and by his blood, be set free.  God meets us half way, he doesn’t force anything on us.  He gave us a choice.  I pray that you walk the other half, he is waiting!   Amen.